With the passing of my mom I have looked at life differently. I'm so grateful there were no hard feelings between me and my mom, or her and anyone else for that matter. I hear of too many stories of people who lose loved ones and feel that a grudge was still there, a sorry never said of a forgiveness never given. I am so grateful the last words my mom and I said to each other were "I love you". I'm glad I don't have that regret.
However,the biggest regret I've had is that I didn't take more pictures with or of my mom. We still have not found her camera and I think about how good she was at taking pictures of her and my dad with others, but how focused my pictures seem to be on just my little immediate family. We've done several things with them this Summer and as I go back over those trips or events I have a hard time finding pictures, if any, with my mom in them. How I wish I would've taken a picture of her and Lily at the baptism. So my advice is you can never take too many pictures and make sure you include as many people as you can in your picture taking.
I am grateful my mom doesn't have to deal with the hardships of life anymore. I think of how lucky she is to have built up a wonderful food storage and all the preperations for a natural disaster (my dad is set for two life-times) and yet she'll never have to worry about being in a situation where she has to use any of it. She will never be old. She will never have the trials of health issues that come with old age. She is happy.
I have looked at my relationship with my own children, particularly my daughter differently. It makes me want to be a better mom and as my kids grow into adult-hood keep a strong relationship with them and their own families.
This experience has made me love my family more, my siblings and my dad as well as my in-law family. I really miss seeing and being with them when I've gone days without talking or visiting with them. I've told my sister, Aimee and my mother-in-law, Maxine that they are the closest moms I have now and I really need to rely on them.
This experience has made me appreciate the power of prayer more. I have really felt the power of so many prayers directed my way. In fact, the day after my mom passed away Tom's sister, Maren was having such a hard time that they sent her home from work. When I saw her she could barely compose herself, yet I seemed totally together. Part of this could've been the shock, but I told her it was because everyone's praying for me and my family specifically and not for the rest of those who may also be mourning. I really feel prayers can be a strength in our lives, especially during life's hardest trials.
I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have of our Heavenly Father's plan for us. He sent us here to gain a mortal body and to be tested. If we chose to live righteously, keep His commandments and make covenants with Him through different priesthood ordinances, we will get to be a family forever. This is the thing that gives me the greatest comfort and makes me want to live my life better. I know one day the Savior, Jesus Christ will return to the earth and with him will be my mom and other loved ones that have passed on. Whether I am here to greet them or I am one of them, I can't wait for that day.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Real Life
Other than a strong let-down feeling, I've been doing pretty good this week. Last night was the first time in over a week I didn't cry in the shower. I find that to be the time I'm alone with my thoughts and by myself where I can just let it go.
Monday I got up and got Lily off to school. Cedric was watching TV and Jeff was still asleep and I wanted so bad to just go back to bed. However, I made myself stay up and get stuff done (I felt very behind after not being around for a week). I'm glad I did as it was a good day. At least good as in how I was feeling.
Yesterday I had preschool so despite both my boys still being asleep when Lily left I couldn't go back to bed. I did sneak away for a 45 minute nap that afternoon while Jeff and Lily were at school and Cedric was busy playing computer games. Lily has been pretty moody though and that doesn't help. I had my best day yet with preschool, I took Lily to piano lessons and the boys to get hair cuts, so I felt like I got some adult social bonding in. And Chick-Fil-A was providing free dinner if you donated money to the kids school. I haven't had to make dinner in over a week, so tonight I've decided to make my favorite, potato cheese soup as a re-introduction into cooking dinner again. Yesterday was a good day too.
Today, however, has been hard. I did go back to bed after Lily left and even though the boys were up, they let me sleep until 9:45. I have nothing to look forward to today. The forced momentum is fading. I haven't talked to anyone in my family since Sunday, which normally isn't odd, but after being together everyday last week it's been harder. I read my sister's blog which was the straw that brought the tears coming again (she has blogged everyday since the accident and it's been a nice overview of what's been going on). Cedric was sweet though, he came over and gave me his biggest cheesiest smile and it did make me laugh.
I know I'll continue to have my ups and downs. The next few nights I have fun plans with different groups of friends, so that will help to have those to look forward to. I have been so grateful for friends during this time. It has really been a strenghth for me to have people I can depend on and who love and care for me. Thank you friends!
Monday I got up and got Lily off to school. Cedric was watching TV and Jeff was still asleep and I wanted so bad to just go back to bed. However, I made myself stay up and get stuff done (I felt very behind after not being around for a week). I'm glad I did as it was a good day. At least good as in how I was feeling.
Yesterday I had preschool so despite both my boys still being asleep when Lily left I couldn't go back to bed. I did sneak away for a 45 minute nap that afternoon while Jeff and Lily were at school and Cedric was busy playing computer games. Lily has been pretty moody though and that doesn't help. I had my best day yet with preschool, I took Lily to piano lessons and the boys to get hair cuts, so I felt like I got some adult social bonding in. And Chick-Fil-A was providing free dinner if you donated money to the kids school. I haven't had to make dinner in over a week, so tonight I've decided to make my favorite, potato cheese soup as a re-introduction into cooking dinner again. Yesterday was a good day too.
Today, however, has been hard. I did go back to bed after Lily left and even though the boys were up, they let me sleep until 9:45. I have nothing to look forward to today. The forced momentum is fading. I haven't talked to anyone in my family since Sunday, which normally isn't odd, but after being together everyday last week it's been harder. I read my sister's blog which was the straw that brought the tears coming again (she has blogged everyday since the accident and it's been a nice overview of what's been going on). Cedric was sweet though, he came over and gave me his biggest cheesiest smile and it did make me laugh.
I know I'll continue to have my ups and downs. The next few nights I have fun plans with different groups of friends, so that will help to have those to look forward to. I have been so grateful for friends during this time. It has really been a strenghth for me to have people I can depend on and who love and care for me. Thank you friends!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Mom's Funeral
I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that it was my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!
Friday morning we got up early to get ready and head off to the church for the second viewing and the funeral. Tom's sister, Maren and her husband Tim came over to help get the kids ready and bring them later. I didn't feel the same high that I had felt the night before at the other viewing. I knew the week was coming to an end and it made everything just a little harder. We then gathered with just family before going in to the funeral. The Governor of Utah was there and said a few words, then Tom said the family prayer. It was such an emotional time.
We all got to see mom one last time and say our goodbye's. All of the grandkids had written a letter or had drawn a picture for Grandma Sherri. They put them in the casket with her.
Aimee and I got to put the veil over her face, then they wrapped her up and closed the casket. Cedric had a worried look on his face as they did this as if thinking, wait Grandma's still in there! When we all settled into the chapel for the viewing Cedric just started crying. When I asked him what was wrong he was crying so hard I couldn't understand him. I think he saw the casket again and was worried about grandma, or he could sense the feeling in the room. Every time someone started crying, he'd start up again. We were doing all we could to distract him. We had everyone involved in the funeral. Our spouses (the in-law children of Mom) did prayers, and the Eulogy, the grandkids all sang "I am a Child of God" and all of us children spoke. Right before it was my turn to speak my brother, Nate played a song he wrote and dedicated to my mom called "dances". While Nate was playing his song, Cedric was pointing up at the ceiling and I could see his eyes moving as if he was watching the angels, and perhaps even my mom up there dancing to the music. The spirit was so strong in the room. Here is my talk that I gave...I don't think I ever appreciated my mom as much as I did when I became a mom myself. My mom taught us children so many great principles.
Mom taught us to make work fun. I remember growing as a young child playing "store" where my mom would sit in our toy closet and have us bring her toys to "buy" as we picked up, then she would sort them in the right bin. When we did our jobs, one would be feed the 'tiger' or the 'dragon', which really meant put the laundry in the hamper or down the laundry chute. I remember spring cleaning when we'd have the windows open and music on as we'd put away our winter clothes and brought out our summer clothes. I remember her doing my hair on Sunday mornings in her bathroom listening to music and I would always say "do it like Aunt Jill's hair". You know, that feathery 80's hairdo.
Mom taught us to serve and love everyone. I remember when my mom was the Merry Miss leader in our church ward. She would do activities with the girls ages 10 & 11 and I got to be a part of that. I saw her reach out to each one of those girls, no matter who they were or their personal circumstances and she loved them as much as she loved us, her own children. Later, she was a leader in the Young Women's program where I got to go to girls camp with her and again, see her love and service for others shining through. Often she would rope me into free babysitting jobs or what-not, because she new someone needed that help and wanted us to also have the benefits of serving others. She truly lived up to the saying "see a need, fill a need".
Mom taught us the importance of developing talents. Whether it be academics, politics, music or acting we each had talents that my mom took pride in. I remember as a teenager driving a half hour each way to my flute lessons with my mom. Not only did she sacrifice for and support my talent, but we had that opportunity once a week to be together, just the two of us.
Mom taught us the importance of listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Sometimes my mom would know things about us before we did. For example, when Tom and I were dating, I was up at Ricks college and I got a call one day from my mom who told me she had booked the temple for the wedding. My reaction was "is someone getting married?" Tom and I were not even engaged yet, however we ended up getting married the day my mom picked, just over three months after that phone call. I'm still happy to this day for her inspiration.
Mom taught us to cherish family. My mom and dad were at the hospital when everyone of my children were born. Even when I had a C-section, they were there in the waiting room waiting. And I know my mom will be there when my daughter is born this December, even if it's just in spirit.
Almost three years ago I had the opportunity to go with my mom to Oklahoma for my great-grandma Dollie's 95th birthday. It was just me, her & my infant son, Cedric . We also met up with my Uncle Jim and other relatives from her dad's family there. But I will always be grateful for that spontaneous weekend I got to have with my mom.
At my mom's birthday dinner last Friday, we were teasing her about saving all of our birthday cards we've given her. She made the comment that if anything happened to us, she wanted to always have those cards to remind her of our love. Now the tables have turned and we are the ones cherishing every card, note, or message our mom has given us. She loved her family.
Mom taught us to always hold strong to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I loved the times I got to go with her to the temple. One of the biggest highlights of my mom's life was when my youngest brother, Isaac went through the temple for the first time because the whole family was there together. What an honor for her to know that all of her children made the choice to be there.
The last time I saw my mom was at my daughter, Lily's baptism on Saturday night. I watched as my mom had a quick one-on-one moment with her and proudly gave Lily her gift. I couldn't pick a better final get-together then that. I am so grateful she was able to be there.
I know my mom is happy. I know she is with those loved ones who have passed on. She lived a wonderful, fulfilling life. I'm so grateful she taught me these principles and what it means to be a mom. I'll miss you mom!
The funeral lasted exactly an hour and then we headed off in the parade of police escorts, Hurst, limo's and cars to the cemetery. As we drove past the fire-station they had a big American flag hanging from the ladder and all the fire-fighters were standing out there in uniform.
All the sons, sons-in-law and the oldest grandson got to be the Pallbearers. 
My uncle Jim did the dedicatory prayer and we all placed our flowers on the casket.
There were so many flowers at the church and grave. My cousin, Ned who helped with all of this said they got close to 100 flowers! 
We did family pictures.
I tried to keep Cedric from throwing sticks into the grave and the weather was mild with just a small threat of rain.
So many people had said they had seen rainbows that day too.We went back to the church for the luncheon and then the rain started to pour. Tom and I said our goodbye's to each other as he headed off to Logan for the Top of Utah Marathon he did yesterday morning and I headed home for a much needed nap. That night we met at my brother's house for dinner and my cousin, Alana who was home from Alaska came to stay the night with me since Tom was gone. It really helped to have her here. She helped me put kids to bed and do dishes. Saturday she played games with Jeff and Cedric and Lily and I made a homemade doll. She did an amazing job on it and named the doll "Sherri" after Grandma Sherri.
I went over to my dad's house once again to finish putting pictures away and we just stayed home together as a family that night when Tom got back. Today was a really hard day. I didn't get a lot of sleep and church was hard. We got together at my brother's house one more time to eat more left-overs and say goodbye to my grandparents before they head back to Seattle tomorrow.
We visit my mom's grave every time we are there since it's right across the street from my brother and my dad's homes. 
Now life goes on. It feels like the let-down you get after the holidays or a vacation. I know the loss of my mom will come off and on to me the next while. But I know she is happy and someday I will get to see her again. I love you mom!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Mom
Last Sunday was 9/11. Here is my journal entry from that night...
"Today is the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that happened when the U.S. was attacked by terrorists. However, I'm mourning tonight for an even greater (for me) loss. Around 9:45pm I was coming out of the bedroom after getting my pajamas on an was startled by loud knocking on the door. I answered it to see my sister, Aimee there, followed by my sister-in-law, Karyn and my brother, Mike. I could tell something was up because I could tell they had been crying and they asked if they could come in and talk to Tom and I. Tom and I sat on the couch as Aimee told us of the car accident my parents were in on their way to St. George that day. The wind and rain was too much and had caused the car to roll. My dad was bruised pretty bad, had lost consciousness for a bit and was currently in the St. George hospital. My mom had died instantly in the crash.
How shocked I was to hear this! It was total disbelief as I had never imagined having my mom die so young and so sudden. I cried. I wailed. I bawled.
I had just seen my mom yesterday (Sat. 9/10) at Lily's baptism. She said the closing prayer, then after hugged me and we said our good bye since she wasn't feeling good and wasn't coming to our house after. I'm sure I told her I loved her since she was always so good about saying that. Later, she left some messages on my answering machine. One was for Lily, so I saved it and I still have it there. Tonight (Sun. 9/11) Lily and I read through the testimonies of those who came to the baptism. My mom's was the first one in there. I will forever Cherish that paper.
I'm sad my mom will not be here when the baby's born. Cedric probably won't remember her. I am dreading telling my children tomorrow (Mon. 9/12) the news. I'm sad my brother, Nate is not here, he's in Germany and was planning on coming at Christmas time. Instead, I'm sure we'll be seeing him this week. I'm sad for my dad. He loved my mom. He's going to be so lonely without her. I'm sad my mom won't be here for birthdays, holidays, weddings or missionaries. My parents will never get to serve a couples mission.
But I'm happy for my mom. I know she is in the spirit world with her dad she has not seen in over 50 years, her grandparents & my grandpa Ned. She's free of the hardships of this mortal existence. I know I'll see her again. I am so grateful for that knowledge, that I have a righteous family and that I've chosen to strive for the blessings of eternity. It's ironic that my mom died in a car accident, the same way her dad died. We did an early birthday party for my mom on Friday. Her birthday would have been this coming Saturday (Today). Her birthday is also the day her dad died.
I am grateful I am at least an adult and did not loose her when I was young. This is the closest person I've ever had die in my life. I know it still isn't fully real to me yet. I am not looking forward to seeing her body as then I know it will be real. I've never helped plan a funeral before. I have so many emotions running through me right now. I don't know how this week will go.
I am grateful we had Lily's baptism yesterday. It was such a neat, spiritual experience. It was one of the best, last things I could've done with my mom. I love her!"
That journal entry was almost a week ago, but it seems like that night was forever ago. we also went over to my brother, Isaac's house that night to break the news to him and his wife. The whole thought of that night still makes my body hurt.
Monday, we woke up (after hardly sleeping) to phone calls and FaceBook messages lighting up the Ipod. Apparently the story was on the news and sadly so many people found out that way. When Lily woke up for school Tom and I went down to tell her what had happened. She cried and so did I. I wanted her to still go to school that day, but to take her time. She seemed okay after a little bit and was able to make it to school on time. I did send a note for the teacher explaining what happened and to let her call home if she needed to. She made it through okay. Jeff and Cedric didn't seem too affected by the news right off, they didn't really understand it like Lily did. Mike and Aimee had driven through the night to St. George. My dad was released from the hospital and they went to the tow place to look through what was left of the car. My sister said it was so hard as there was blood on so much. All I did all day was FaceBook, email, text and talk on the phone. It was so nice to have that support system of loved ones flooding through. Tom was great to be here for me and the kids since I was not able to really focus on much else that day. That night finally came and we were able to go visit my dad. I was pretty upset with how bad he looked and he was in a lot of pain, but it was a miracle that he was able to walk away from the accident with such minor injuries. We are lucky to still have him.
Tuesday, I started the day off normal (or as normal as I could) thinking we'd just comfort my dad in shifts and there wasn't much else to do (boy was I wrong). I called Aimee that morning about a half hour before preschool started and found out we were all supposed to meet at the mortuary at 10:00 to see my mom's body. Luckily I had my aunt coming to help with preschool and just quickly showed her what to do before I left. Tom was heading in to work and I called him and told him to turn around and come home. We all went to the mortuary together. I had been dreading seeing my mom as my cousin, Ned (he is a mortician and the one who went and picked up my mom's body from St. George) described how bad she was. However, when we walked in the room with her body, it was still so hard and we all just cried, but she was cleaned up and looked a lot better then I had imagined. Her nose was broken and the right side of her face was pretty bruised and banged up. But her mouth, chin and left cheek were perfect. So were her feet. We couldn't believe with how bruised my dad's feet were how perfect my mom's feet looked. I felt so much better seeing her body. It was only obvious it was just a body and the spirit was no longer in her. After seeing her, we immediately met to go over funeral preparations. I called my friend, Rosalie and arranged for her to pick up my boys after preschool and take Jeff to kindergarten. I already arranged with my friend, Amanda to take the kids after school and called her to pick up Cedric and the other two from the bus. Knowing my kids were in good hands for the rest of the day I was able to focus on the task at hand. We went back to my dad's house and my brother, Isaac and I volunteered to be in charge of the pictures for the program, the slide show and the display tables. This was the perfect job for me as I felt busy and was able to reflect upon memories of my mom as we worked. I was actually really enjoying our day. It was so nice to just be together as a family and to be there with my dad. That night I went and got my hair done. Since I felt like I was representing my mom I wanted to look my best. That day Jeff had hung a picture in Cedric's room and said he wanted to put it there so Cedric would remember him after he died. I asked him if he thought he was going to die because grandma did and he tearfully said 'yes'. I was glad to see him emotional since I think he had been holding it in, but I explained to him that he would be okay and was not going to die. It's interesting how kids interpret things.
Wednesday, I was sleeping so much better by this point, but the mornings and nights are still the hardest. Tom stayed home again to be Mr. Mom and I headed off to my dad's again to finish the picture project. It was again so nice to be there. I was almost more depressed being home then at my parent's home. I had to slip away for a doctors appointment, but even some of the people at the doctors office had seen the news and asked how things were. When I arrived back at my dad's house my grandparents and aunt were there. My mom's parents are from Seattle and her sister is from Minnesota so it was so fun to see them. I ended up staying at my dad's the rest of the day. I was so grateful for Tom taking care of things at home. People had brought a lot of food over too, so it was nice to help my dad eat it and not have to think about meals. We also went through some of my mom's jewelry so we could give some to my grandma and aunts too. That night my siblings, dad and I headed to the airport to pick up my brother, Nate who lives in Germany. It was such nice site to see Nate again. As we drove home he told us his story of finding out the news and having to tell other relatives in Germany about what happened. We headed up to the Country store at the Dairy where we had the rest of our families waiting and we had a private ice cream party with Nate. It was nice to take a break and have fun for a minute. However, I could tell by that night that the adrenaline was starting to fade.
Thursday, I had cancelled preschool and left Tom home with the kids again. I headed over to the church where the viewing was going to be that night to help set up. Then I headed home to quickly write my talk for the funeral (it was the first time I was home to do it and not dead tired) and get ready for the viewing. First we had a family viewing where we had an open casket. Since Aimee and I are the only daughters we got to put my mom's socks and slippers on (we couldn't do all the dressing since my mom's body was so fragile from the accident). It was neat to do the little dressing we did. She was so stiff and cold, yet it didn't seem disturbing to me at all, just special. This was the first time my kids got to see the body. Lily just cried, and cried and cried. Cedric thought she was sleeping (he was so confused and kept going up to Grandma Great and my dad asking "did you die?"), Jeff tried to be tough and was busy eating the complimentary mints there. I ended up spending most of the family viewing in the mortuary office doing the final touches on the slide show with the office worker. After the viewing we went up to my dad's for a catered dinner, provided by Olive Garden. Then my siblings and I went over our talks for the funeral together to make sure none of us said the same things. Then we headed over to the church for the public viewing. My friend, Diane ended up taking the kids so they wouldn't have to be there for the night. The public viewing ended up being such a bitter/sweet night. It was such a neat thing to see so much support, so many flowers and to visit with people from all walks of my mom's life. We did a closed casket, as we knew our mom would only want to look her best, and we didn't think she would like the way her face now looked after the accident. I was tired by that night, but it was such a good night.
Friday, was the day of the funeral. I will post my story of that day tomorrow along with pictures.
Speaking of pictures, we have not been able to find my mom's camera. The last picture we have of my mom is her and Lily at the baptism, but it's on her camera. We've had Aimee's sister-in-law who lives in St. George look through the car again and where the accident took place. We've searched through all my mom's bags and purses, we've looked all over the house and still cannot find the camera. I'm devastated. Who knows what other precious pictures it could contain.
"Today is the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that happened when the U.S. was attacked by terrorists. However, I'm mourning tonight for an even greater (for me) loss. Around 9:45pm I was coming out of the bedroom after getting my pajamas on an was startled by loud knocking on the door. I answered it to see my sister, Aimee there, followed by my sister-in-law, Karyn and my brother, Mike. I could tell something was up because I could tell they had been crying and they asked if they could come in and talk to Tom and I. Tom and I sat on the couch as Aimee told us of the car accident my parents were in on their way to St. George that day. The wind and rain was too much and had caused the car to roll. My dad was bruised pretty bad, had lost consciousness for a bit and was currently in the St. George hospital. My mom had died instantly in the crash.
How shocked I was to hear this! It was total disbelief as I had never imagined having my mom die so young and so sudden. I cried. I wailed. I bawled.
I had just seen my mom yesterday (Sat. 9/10) at Lily's baptism. She said the closing prayer, then after hugged me and we said our good bye since she wasn't feeling good and wasn't coming to our house after. I'm sure I told her I loved her since she was always so good about saying that. Later, she left some messages on my answering machine. One was for Lily, so I saved it and I still have it there. Tonight (Sun. 9/11) Lily and I read through the testimonies of those who came to the baptism. My mom's was the first one in there. I will forever Cherish that paper.
I'm sad my mom will not be here when the baby's born. Cedric probably won't remember her. I am dreading telling my children tomorrow (Mon. 9/12) the news. I'm sad my brother, Nate is not here, he's in Germany and was planning on coming at Christmas time. Instead, I'm sure we'll be seeing him this week. I'm sad for my dad. He loved my mom. He's going to be so lonely without her. I'm sad my mom won't be here for birthdays, holidays, weddings or missionaries. My parents will never get to serve a couples mission.
But I'm happy for my mom. I know she is in the spirit world with her dad she has not seen in over 50 years, her grandparents & my grandpa Ned. She's free of the hardships of this mortal existence. I know I'll see her again. I am so grateful for that knowledge, that I have a righteous family and that I've chosen to strive for the blessings of eternity. It's ironic that my mom died in a car accident, the same way her dad died. We did an early birthday party for my mom on Friday. Her birthday would have been this coming Saturday (Today). Her birthday is also the day her dad died.
I am grateful I am at least an adult and did not loose her when I was young. This is the closest person I've ever had die in my life. I know it still isn't fully real to me yet. I am not looking forward to seeing her body as then I know it will be real. I've never helped plan a funeral before. I have so many emotions running through me right now. I don't know how this week will go.
I am grateful we had Lily's baptism yesterday. It was such a neat, spiritual experience. It was one of the best, last things I could've done with my mom. I love her!"
That journal entry was almost a week ago, but it seems like that night was forever ago. we also went over to my brother, Isaac's house that night to break the news to him and his wife. The whole thought of that night still makes my body hurt.
Monday, we woke up (after hardly sleeping) to phone calls and FaceBook messages lighting up the Ipod. Apparently the story was on the news and sadly so many people found out that way. When Lily woke up for school Tom and I went down to tell her what had happened. She cried and so did I. I wanted her to still go to school that day, but to take her time. She seemed okay after a little bit and was able to make it to school on time. I did send a note for the teacher explaining what happened and to let her call home if she needed to. She made it through okay. Jeff and Cedric didn't seem too affected by the news right off, they didn't really understand it like Lily did. Mike and Aimee had driven through the night to St. George. My dad was released from the hospital and they went to the tow place to look through what was left of the car. My sister said it was so hard as there was blood on so much. All I did all day was FaceBook, email, text and talk on the phone. It was so nice to have that support system of loved ones flooding through. Tom was great to be here for me and the kids since I was not able to really focus on much else that day. That night finally came and we were able to go visit my dad. I was pretty upset with how bad he looked and he was in a lot of pain, but it was a miracle that he was able to walk away from the accident with such minor injuries. We are lucky to still have him.
Tuesday, I started the day off normal (or as normal as I could) thinking we'd just comfort my dad in shifts and there wasn't much else to do (boy was I wrong). I called Aimee that morning about a half hour before preschool started and found out we were all supposed to meet at the mortuary at 10:00 to see my mom's body. Luckily I had my aunt coming to help with preschool and just quickly showed her what to do before I left. Tom was heading in to work and I called him and told him to turn around and come home. We all went to the mortuary together. I had been dreading seeing my mom as my cousin, Ned (he is a mortician and the one who went and picked up my mom's body from St. George) described how bad she was. However, when we walked in the room with her body, it was still so hard and we all just cried, but she was cleaned up and looked a lot better then I had imagined. Her nose was broken and the right side of her face was pretty bruised and banged up. But her mouth, chin and left cheek were perfect. So were her feet. We couldn't believe with how bruised my dad's feet were how perfect my mom's feet looked. I felt so much better seeing her body. It was only obvious it was just a body and the spirit was no longer in her. After seeing her, we immediately met to go over funeral preparations. I called my friend, Rosalie and arranged for her to pick up my boys after preschool and take Jeff to kindergarten. I already arranged with my friend, Amanda to take the kids after school and called her to pick up Cedric and the other two from the bus. Knowing my kids were in good hands for the rest of the day I was able to focus on the task at hand. We went back to my dad's house and my brother, Isaac and I volunteered to be in charge of the pictures for the program, the slide show and the display tables. This was the perfect job for me as I felt busy and was able to reflect upon memories of my mom as we worked. I was actually really enjoying our day. It was so nice to just be together as a family and to be there with my dad. That night I went and got my hair done. Since I felt like I was representing my mom I wanted to look my best. That day Jeff had hung a picture in Cedric's room and said he wanted to put it there so Cedric would remember him after he died. I asked him if he thought he was going to die because grandma did and he tearfully said 'yes'. I was glad to see him emotional since I think he had been holding it in, but I explained to him that he would be okay and was not going to die. It's interesting how kids interpret things.
Wednesday, I was sleeping so much better by this point, but the mornings and nights are still the hardest. Tom stayed home again to be Mr. Mom and I headed off to my dad's again to finish the picture project. It was again so nice to be there. I was almost more depressed being home then at my parent's home. I had to slip away for a doctors appointment, but even some of the people at the doctors office had seen the news and asked how things were. When I arrived back at my dad's house my grandparents and aunt were there. My mom's parents are from Seattle and her sister is from Minnesota so it was so fun to see them. I ended up staying at my dad's the rest of the day. I was so grateful for Tom taking care of things at home. People had brought a lot of food over too, so it was nice to help my dad eat it and not have to think about meals. We also went through some of my mom's jewelry so we could give some to my grandma and aunts too. That night my siblings, dad and I headed to the airport to pick up my brother, Nate who lives in Germany. It was such nice site to see Nate again. As we drove home he told us his story of finding out the news and having to tell other relatives in Germany about what happened. We headed up to the Country store at the Dairy where we had the rest of our families waiting and we had a private ice cream party with Nate. It was nice to take a break and have fun for a minute. However, I could tell by that night that the adrenaline was starting to fade.
Thursday, I had cancelled preschool and left Tom home with the kids again. I headed over to the church where the viewing was going to be that night to help set up. Then I headed home to quickly write my talk for the funeral (it was the first time I was home to do it and not dead tired) and get ready for the viewing. First we had a family viewing where we had an open casket. Since Aimee and I are the only daughters we got to put my mom's socks and slippers on (we couldn't do all the dressing since my mom's body was so fragile from the accident). It was neat to do the little dressing we did. She was so stiff and cold, yet it didn't seem disturbing to me at all, just special. This was the first time my kids got to see the body. Lily just cried, and cried and cried. Cedric thought she was sleeping (he was so confused and kept going up to Grandma Great and my dad asking "did you die?"), Jeff tried to be tough and was busy eating the complimentary mints there. I ended up spending most of the family viewing in the mortuary office doing the final touches on the slide show with the office worker. After the viewing we went up to my dad's for a catered dinner, provided by Olive Garden. Then my siblings and I went over our talks for the funeral together to make sure none of us said the same things. Then we headed over to the church for the public viewing. My friend, Diane ended up taking the kids so they wouldn't have to be there for the night. The public viewing ended up being such a bitter/sweet night. It was such a neat thing to see so much support, so many flowers and to visit with people from all walks of my mom's life. We did a closed casket, as we knew our mom would only want to look her best, and we didn't think she would like the way her face now looked after the accident. I was tired by that night, but it was such a good night.
Friday, was the day of the funeral. I will post my story of that day tomorrow along with pictures.
Speaking of pictures, we have not been able to find my mom's camera. The last picture we have of my mom is her and Lily at the baptism, but it's on her camera. We've had Aimee's sister-in-law who lives in St. George look through the car again and where the accident took place. We've searched through all my mom's bags and purses, we've looked all over the house and still cannot find the camera. I'm devastated. Who knows what other precious pictures it could contain.
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