The Funeral

Friday night was the visitation for Isaac.  We saw many great friends, family and loved ones.

 

One of the best surprises was having my cousin’s from my mom’s side of the family come from Boise and Hawaii!  My grandparents also made it down from Seattle thanks to some friends of theirs.

I still didn’t have a voice and was trying to not talk so it’d be healed enough to speak at the funeral the next day.  I made this sticker and wore it that night.  I still talked more than I should’ve.  We also all got pins instead of flowers to wear.

  

The next morning we had another viewing/visitation and then the funeral.  It was at Hunter High School.   I was still gargling salt water and sucking on cough drops, and although my voice was weak, everyone said they could hear me nice and clear as I gave my remarks.  Another tender mercy!

Here’s my talk…

The famous Shakespeare said, “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.”

Isaac was no exception to this analogy. He played many parts throughout his life.

Isaac played the part of the baby brother. We were all so excited when we found out Mom was having another baby! I was six when Isaac was born and I remember taking him for show and tell in kindergarten when he was a newborn. It probably got a little awkward when I brought my toddler brother for show and tell in first and second grade too, but I loved showing him off! I remember when I was about seven taking him for a walk in the stroller, by myself, to the park across the street (I wonder if Mom knew I did that?). I remember being so excited to come home from school and play with Isaac, but he was always napping. Mom said I had to wait at least through one episode of Tiny Toons Adventures before I could go wake him up. What a joy Isaac was to our family.

Another role Isaac played was that of the friend. My own son, Cedric reminds me a lot of Isaac for this reason. Like my own six year old, Isaac didn’t have the concept of personal space when he was young and was often found hugging his buddies on the soccer field instead of kicking the ball as it rolled past. He loved everyone he met.

The third part Isaac played was that of the actor. Isaac loved drama, and even at a young age participated in a drama class. He continued to act as he entered high school and college and performed many times on this very stage. I remember going with my parents and nephew, Tyler over to Rock Springs Wyoming to watch Isaac in “Annie Get Your Gun” when he performed there in college. Isaac’s favorite holiday was Halloween and he loved to not only put on a costume, but put on a show.

Isaac also played the role of the technician. He understood computers better than most and my parents would often call Isaac to come over and install a new electronic for fix some problem they were having with the TV or computer. Isaac was very smart when it came to mathematical and scientific things.

In his teenage years Isaac played the role of the flirt. He would often brag about a girl he kissed and even admitted that once he had two girls in his club house, the salt shack and alternated kissing each one. But over time Isaac matured and realized there was more to girls than just kissing. He was reacquainted with his first grade sweetheart, and he and Candalyn quickly fell in love. How grateful l am for Candalyn and the unconditional love she has shown toward him! I will forever be grateful for her and the love they shared.

The best part Isaac ever played was that of the dad. As a stay at home dad, Isaac was a star! He loved Adair so much and even on difficult days, did his best to be there for her. He would take her to play groups, sing her songs and loved taking her to the mountains. He was often on diaper duty and never complained. It was so fun to see those two together. Adair, your daddy loves you!

The last part Isaac is playing, is that of one behind the scenes. He now plays the part of the angel. How lucky he is to be in a perfect state, free of mortal woes and to be with Mom again!

Elder Russell M. Nelson said, “Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability. “This life [was to become] a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 12:24.) But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.) As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.”

I believe that to be true.

As the rest of us continue to perform on the stage of life, may we remember Isaac and all the many parts he played.

 

I also helped do all the pictures for the slideshow we showed at the end of the funeral.  It was such a nice service! 

Then we had a luncheon with all the extended family and Candalyn’s family.  Somehow we ended up on a back table by ourselves.  Here’s the view we had of everyone else.

It was fun to be with so many loved ones this weekend! 

My brother Isaac

When I was six years old my youngest brother, Isaac was born.  I was so excited to have another little brother!

We were a close knit family and I remember doing a lot with Isaac.  My best memories are of family vacations, such as Seattle, Snowbird, Disneyland and the cabin.

Here we are at Snowbird when I was about seven and Isaac was about one and a half.

I remember going to Seattle after I graduated from the University of Utah.  It was just me, Tom, my mom, Isaac and Tom’s brother, Eric.

 

Isaac was always into acting, and had a knack for it.  I remember going up to see him in Annie Get Your Gun when he was going to college in Rock Springs Wyoming.

 

Isaac married Candalyn (whom use to live in our ward and I babysat when she was little).  And two years ago they had Adair, my sweet niece.

They left for China in August, where Candalyn started teaching English in Changchung.  Early in October, they suffered from food poisoning.  Isaac never recovered and started to get sicker.  He was hallucinating and was very dehydrated.  Candalyn’s mom flew out mid October to help with Adair and Isaac.  On November 3rd Isaac was so bad they took him to the hospital.  By Wednesday he slipped into a coma and the following Monday, he passed away.  The Lithium drugs he was taking for his anxiety were not balanced right with his weak body.  He ended up dying from Lithium poisoning.  For a more detailed story, see my sister’s blog, here.

The Monday I got the call that Isaac was in the hospital and may not make it, I cried. I cried as hard as I did when I found out my mom died.  I knelt down and prayed, pleaded with Heavenly Father to let him be okay.  I already lost my mom, I couldn’t loose a brother too!  As the week went on (it was the longest week of my life), I continued to cry.  I’d have my tearful moments about half a dozen times a day.  Wednesday night, we all gathered together at my dad’s house and gave Isaac our last goodbyes.  My brother, Nate Skyped in and my cousin, Clay, who was in China by that point to help, held his phone to Isaac’s ear.

Aimee started a fundraiser for Candalyn, since everyday in the ICU with dialysis was costing around $12,000 up front.  It was amazing to see the outreach of love from friends, family and strangers!  What a blessing people are!

Thursday night was the only time I Skyped with Candalyn. It was so nice to talk to her for a bit!

By Friday Isaac was not doing any better and our family was leaving to go to Las Vegas for our niece, Brooklyn’s wedding.  A few weeks before I was so excited for our mini vacation, but with the rough week leading up to it, the excitement wasn’t there anymore.  I wanted to be home, with my family.  Of course, by that point my dad and brother, Mike were on their way to China themselves.  So really it was just me and Aimee left in the state and the country!  We’d usually get updates late at night because that’s when it was day in China.  It made it hard to sleep knowing their could be an email or text sitting on my phone with the latest.  Cedric had a nasty cough and Friday night was coughing so much that he was throwing up.  Our entire family had a rough night as we dealt with this in the hotel room.  While I was up at 3am, I was checking emails and texts and seeing pictures of Isaac that were hard to look at.

Saturday was the wedding.  It felt so good to be at the temple and it really helped with my attitude for the trip.  While waiting outside of the temple for pictures I was on the phone with the lady I used to nanny for, and who is a neurologist, trying to get questions answered about Isaac’s condition.  Was his brain so far gone that to save him would be worst than to let him go?  Although she couldn’t answer that question, she helped give me questions to pass onto those in China to ask the doctors.  Little did I know how difficult the head doctor was there and how little information anyone was getting.

By Saturday night another doctor, Dr. Wang, was able to come help translate and get more information on Isaac and his condition.  Pretty much they said he was never going to be the same mentally and most likely  not the same physically.  With Isaac’s body already so weak, and with much peace with the decision, they decided to take him off the machines and let him go.  With how rough of a week we all had and with the fact that all the family in China had plane tickets home for Wednesday, my prayers for the past few days had been “help whatever’s supposed to happen, happen soon so that the family can get home”.  I got a call from Aimee with that update while walking down the strip in Vegas after just visiting M&M world.  It was so hard to be away from my family (siblings and dad), trying to still have fun with my kids and have Isaac in China dying.  I felt so helpless!

So late Sunday morning (which was early Monday morning, November 10th in Changchung), I got a call from Aimee telling me Isaac had passed away.  I didn’t really cry at first, probably because I knew it was coming and we were just getting ready to drive back home from Las Vegas.  However, later Mike called me from China and was in crematorium truck with Isaac’s body to tell me the story.  It was 3am there and he hadn’t yet woken up or told the others there yet, so the only people he could talk to was those of us in the states.  It wasn’t until after talking with Mike that it really hit me.  I sat and cried somewhere in the middle of Nevada.

Sunday night, there was a beautiful sunset and I enjoyed watching the red-lit sky and couldn’t help think of Isaac and his beautiful surroundings he now calls home.

 

That night we got home and I quickly turned around and left for choir practice.  Tom’s brother, Bryce and his wife, Sara are also in the choir with me.  When I went up to tell them the news, Bryce started to cry and hugged me.  I hadn’t realized until that moment how much I needed a hug!  We just sat and hugged and cried with 700 other people looking on.  Since then, I’ve made sure to give and receive as many hugs from people as I can.

After quickly getting everything in order, the family was able to come home on Wednesday!  Although their flight arrived at midnight, I wanted to be there.  I called Candalyn’s dad to see if I could help in any way and offered to bring my van to carry all the luggage home in (since they planned on living in China for two years, they had a dozen suitcases!).  I didn’t realize there flight had arrived early until I was leaving.  When I got there they were all standing right inside the doors and I ran up to Candalyn and just hugged and cried with her!

That Friday we all got together at my house to start making funeral plans and to watch the slide show from the past weeks adventures in China.

 

I had found this Pooh Bear at a gas station in Mesquite and had to buy it for Adair.

 

I volunteered to be in charge of the pictures for the slide show and displays.  I had done this for my mom’s funeral and it was the most therapeutic way to help.  However, it’s also very time consuming and I ended up cancelling preschool last Tuesday so I could have more time to work on it.  I think it will turn out nicely.

Here I am with Adair as we went through pictures of Isaac.

Tomorrow is the viewing/visitation and Saturday is the funeral.  I am one of the speakers.  Of course, I’ve caught Cedric’s cough and have now lost my voice.  Hopefully it returns by Saturday!

Life is hard and sometimes we are forced to be strong.  However, I cannot be grateful enough for the knowledge I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Salvation!  One of the quotes that has gotten me through the past few weeks is this one by Elder Russell M. Nelson…

“Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability. “This life [was to become] a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 12:24.) But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.) As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.”

I love Isaac.  Oh how I long for the day that I can see him and my mom again!