Three years ago this month I was asked to speak at our Stake Relief Society Seminar. I have been wanting to post that talk as a journal entry ever since. It is part of my testimony that has grown through trials. Little did I know at the time, I would be facing a similar trial less than three years later. Losing a Mom and a brother has been two of the hardest things in my life. But they have also been my biggest strengths.
"Look to God and
Live" R.S. Seminar 2/21/12
In my favorite hymn we sing the words "I Believe in
Christ, so come what may..." This
statement has become truer to me and my family in the past five months than
ever before. In the past five months my
relationship with my Savior has changed.
There are three principles I've developed a greater
understanding of during this short time in my life than I've ever developed in
the 30+ years I've been learning the Gospel.
These principles include...
1) The Lord will
always be there for us, no matter our trials.
2) Our Savior is
real. He lives. He is mindful of us. Same with our Father in Heaven.
3) The Plan of Salvation is so simple. Our time on the earth is just a small part of
it.
Let me back up to my life a little over five months
ago. It was September 11th. The world was mourning the sad tragedy that
had happened to our country just ten years earlier. Little did I know that by the time the day
was over, I would be mourning a much more personal loss. The night of that somber Sunday I received
the tragic news that while my parents were driving down to St. George in a
rainstorm, they lost control of the car and went off the road causing a
terrible car accident. My dad was okay,
he had been taken to the hospital in St. George with just bumps and
bruises. My mom on the other hand had
died instantly in the crash. That night
my life changed. My mom was a healthy,
young, beautiful woman. To have her
taken so suddenly from our lives was such a shock.
However, as hard as it's been to lose someone I love so
much, I have grown so much closer to my Savior.
As I mentioned I've developed a greater understanding that
the Lord will always be there for us, no matter our trials. It doesn't matter if we are dealing with a
trial as simple as trying to calm a fussy baby in the middle of the night. Or a big 'Job'-like trial where we lose
everything important to us, He will be
there.
The week of the funeral, and even weeks after that we could
feel the prayers of others making us strong and able to get through the
hardship. We heard of people all over
the world who were praying for us and including our names in the temple prayer
role. If you know of anyone going
through a hard trial, pray for them, they will feel it.
The Lord will never give us more than we can handle. My brother shared a story with me where he
was having a discouraging time missing our mom and worrying about his career and
future. After praying, the spirit
directed him to the scripture found in Mosiah 24: 13-15.
13 And it acame to
pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift
up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have
made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of
bondage.
14 And
I will also ease the aburdens which
are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs,
even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand asbwitnesses for
me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit
my people in their cafflictions.
15 And
now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren
were made light; yea, the Lord didastrengthen them
that they could bear up their bburdens with
ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with cpatience to
all the will of the Lord.
My brother felt so
much peace and comfort knowing Christ would ease his burdens and was there for
him as he went through his trials. All
of us have this promise if we keep our covenants with Him too.
Another thing my family has realized is how adaptable humans
are. This is one of the great blessings
we've been given as Christ's most intelligent creations, to adapt. It is one of the ways we are able to handle
life's trials. Life has gone on since my
mom passed. As much as we wish her here,
we've adapted. We've learned to look to
others for 'mom' advice, celebrate the holidays eating on paper plates instead
of fine china, accepting her presence at baptisms and baby blessings as
feelings instead of physically being there.
Even my dad has learned how to shop for grandkids Christmas and birthday
presents, do the laundry and host family get-togethers. We've adapted and it's helped us get through
our trials.
The second thing I've learned is our Savior is real. He lives and is mindful of us. Same with our Father in Heaven.
I've noticed that my prayers are different. When I talk to my Heavenly Father, I feel
like he is so much closer and real to me than he was before. I feel that losing my mom has changed this
for me. I struggle knowing how to
describe it. I know my mom. She is a real person. I know without a doubt she is still a person,
but in the spirit world. I know she is
still real. Because I know this about
her, it helps me grasp the understanding that my Father in Heaven and my
brother, Jesus Christ are also real.
They are there too. I know our
Savior is a resurrected being who has a body.
I feel like my mom is just an arm's reach away, therefore I've felt my
Savior and Father in Heaven are also just an arm's reach away. When I pray, I feel them so close to me. My faith has grown immensely. In 3 Nephi 18:20 it says...
And awhatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right,
believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.
I've learned that
when I've asked for righteous desires, he's blessed me with them. Even asking to know that my mom is spiritually
with us has been a great blessing.
My nephew was recently baptized. This was one of those events where we missed
our mom. Especially since the last time
we saw her was at my daughter's baptism the day before the accident. My sister prayed to know when my mom would be
there, as we were sure she would be.
During the opening song the spirit was overpowering, I was crying and
couldn't get through the song. My dad and
sister were sitting quite far from us.
Afterward, we were talking and my sister mentioned that she felt Mom's
presence during the opening song, so had my dad (we joked it was just like Mom
to come late to a meeting during the opening song). This experience was a testimony to me that my
sister's prayer was answered. Even
though we were not sitting together, we all felt her presence at the same time.
So many times I feel the Lord is using my mom to help answer
my prayers. There's been several times where
I've heard in my head "be patient" or "calm down, it will be
okay", but they come as my mom's voice, not my own. I feel this has been a blessing that not only
brought me comfort knowing she still cares for me, but it has also helped my
testimony and faith of prayer increase.
Reading the scriptures has also become more real for me
too. When I read accounts in the
scriptures about the Savior, whether it be when He visited the Nephites in
America, or when he showed himself to the brother of Jared, my heart
swells. It burns with the excitement
that these people were able to experience seeing the Savior. I long for my chance to see Him too.
The third thing I've learned is the Plan of Salvation is so
simple. Our time on the earth is just a
small part of it.
When my mom passed
away I was six months pregnant with our fourth child. That life growing inside me was such a
comfort to me. I felt like I was dealing
with the grief so much better than some of the others in my family and I think
that baby was a big part of it. I knew
that my daughter was alive in the pre-mortal world, waiting for her turn on
this earth. At the same time, my mom was
just entering the post-mortal world ready to take on her next assignment in the
eternities. Again, we knew my mom would
be there when our daughter entered the world.
I remember when she was born the room seemed completely quiet and
peaceful. The spirit was so strong and
it felt as though the room was full of people.
I know that not only was my mom there to bring this child into the
world, but I'm sure many other loved ones were present also. Knowing someone who has just started their
time in mortality and someone who has just left it makes the Plan of Salvation
seem so simple. I long more now than
ever for our Savior to come again. To
think it could be another 50 years or more before I see my mom again hurts, but
at the same time I know, as it says in D&C 121:7
This life is but a
small moment. I have a testimony that we
can be a family forever. The knowledge I
have of our Heavenly Father and Saviors plan for us has been the greatest
blessing to me during these past months.
I don't know how I would get through it without the gospel in my life. Looking to God has helped me
live through the toughest five months of my life.
"I believe in Christ, so come what may."
-In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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