Still Hard

Although it's been almost five months since my mom passed away, it's still been hard.  In fact, it seems that since Sophie was born I've had a harder time.  I don't know if having that sweet spirit so close to me while pregnant brought comfort, if it's my hormones going crazy with having a fourth child, or if the length of time has made me miss her more, but I've really missed her lately.  The littlest things set me off and I just start crying again.  One of them being the fact that Sophie will never know my mom while growing up on this earth.  
My dad's been dating a lot.  He went on his first date the beginning of November and has been on an average of a date a week since then.  He's like a 16 year old, so excited to share the stories with us from each of his dates.  It's been good to see him get out, have fun and meet new people.  However, lately it's been hard on me.  He's been busy with his dates, and he loves talking about them.  I'm happy for him, but it's just one of those things that's now different in my life.  I know when he gets real serious with someone it will be an adjustment too.
Sometimes I just feel so anxious to see my mom again.  The thought of having to be patient for a possibility of 50+ years is so hard sometimes.  I long to see her, yet I'm grateful so much more for the family I have still with me.  A lot of my tears go to my dad.  Despite dating again, he misses my mom so much and loves her so much that a lot of my tears go towards his loss.  It makes me grateful I have Tom.  I'm so grateful for my four healthy children too.  I've developed an even greater love for my dad and siblings.  I feel that even my relationship with my Heavenly Father is greater.  I'm so glad I've been blessed with the promise that I'll have an eternal family.  I can't imagine how much harder this loss would be without the Gospel Principles I've been taught and believe in.  I know life will continue to be hard.  I'm thankful for the trials we are given as they make us grow, appreciate and love more.
Mom, know I still miss you.  I love you and I'm grateful that I was able to have you in my life for the 32 years that I did.  You've made me want to be a better mom, wife and someday grandma.  I love you!  Love, Tami